I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
