i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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