I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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