I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
