there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize