I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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