i may or may not be watching the land before time
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
