oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
