you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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