he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
