Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
