Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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