walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
