idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
