nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
