I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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