Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
