I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
