well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
