Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
