Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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