it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
