all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
