I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
