Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
