She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
