pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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