hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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