I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
