About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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