there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
