He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
