This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
