guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
