ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
