Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize