just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
