i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
