This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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