I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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