I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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