if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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