yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I didn't notice because vodka
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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