we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
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