According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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