So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
