how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
