3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yo dont text me then not text me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
