Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think your dad took our porno
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
