But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
