dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
