Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I FOUND THE LEGS
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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