I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oh god it's open bar.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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