if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
