Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
