there's paper in my vomit.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
