I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
