I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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