I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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