sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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