apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
