You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
