The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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