I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Boobs speak an international language.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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