My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He uses pillows to masturbate.
false alarm. still invincible.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
