Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
