That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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