Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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