Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
dude. I can hear the air.
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