if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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