Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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