he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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