Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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