Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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