He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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