How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
