so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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