The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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