ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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