Jerry, you need to find god
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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