I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
