did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize