i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
