I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
