Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
