I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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