hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
