My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize