After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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