pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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