Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
