I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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