Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
this just has baby written all over it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize