Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
